Thursday, 3 December 2015

Close Encounter With A Goat

The phone was ringing a lot at the place where I was staying on the morning of Thanksgiving.  I felt a bit overwhelmed by all the loud, speaker-phone conversations as the phone kept ringing repeatedly and decided to go outdoors to the ceremonial circle to shift my energy and sing my gratitude to the land.  

There is a resident goat living at this place, who has been allowed to wander the property freely.  It has often practiced butting its head into any creature that it chose to focus upon and engage in this manner.  I had been warned about the goat and his particular predisposition, but although I had seen him around, I had kept my distance, and had never before had any problems with him coming after me.

On this morning, however, I was holding a very different vibration than usual.  Although I was consciously intending to express my gratitude and was singing to to the land as I walked along out to the circle, appreciating the land and the green and growing things and the creatures of the property, I now realize that I was inwardly still vibrating with irritation at all commotion and non-stop phone activity in the house, feeling bombarded by all the conversations.   I was seeking a peaceful spot outwardly to help me regain my own inner sense of peacefulness.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the goat appeared and charged me.  At that moment I didn’t know why he was doing this, as he had never done this to me before, although I had heard some stories of his going after other people at various times.  

I tried to sidestep and he immediately charged again.  

I tried talking to him and telling him I didn’t want to fight with him.  

i tried sending him love and light.

I tried doing my Aum spirals to shift my energy, but in the presence of this attacking goat repeatedly charging me, I could feel in myself that I was not making any headway as I tried desperately to get my energy to a high enough frequency to shift states.  

I repeatedly put my hand on his head as he charged to prevent him from ramming my body, trying to get him to calm down and stop attacking me.  This probably only added fuel to the fire, making him see me as a possible foe and or perhaps even as a wonderful playmate.  

At that point, after more than a dozen separate attacks, I was feeling a bit afraid, because I obviously didn't know how to get him to stop.  When I finally turned and walked away, he simply circled around me raced ahead and came at me again.

I had literally, consciously, and deliberately tried everything I could possibly think of to prevent fighting with him, but finally in an emotional mixture of desperation and rage, hauled off and hit him as hard as I could in the side of his head, in an attempt to put an end to the encounter.  

It didn’t faze him at all - not one little tiny bit.  I realized afterward that his head is incredibly strong and especially designed for this ramming behavior.  But I did serious, extremely painful damage to my hand, which today, a week later, still shows the bruising where I broke some rather large arteries or veins in my wrist and palm.  It was an experience that I will never forget.

During the night following my encounter, I awoke realizing that the goat’s name was Hero - and that this encounter with him had demonstrated the role of the Hero to me (in a very physical, experiential way I will never forget).

I suddenly saw with great clarity how I had been repeatedly playing the role of Hero (and often unwanted Hero) in certain situations and how it continuously drained my energy as I "battled with" and tried to stop broadcasts of energy around me that I was perceiving as being negative or "wrong."  The people broadcasting in these ways, may have themselves been experiencing the energies totally differently, being at peace with and even enjoying what they were involved in.  They are designed for these activities, just as the goat is designed for butting heads, so they come away with little or no damage from interactions that leave me flattened and feeling bruised and battered.

The only way to deal with Hero (or anyone who enjoys combat and conflict) is to avoid getting myself into these kinds of situations, simply allowing everyone to experience what they choose to experience.  Focusing my attention on my creative pursuits would be a much better use of my energies.  Making sure I am holding a centered, peaceful vibration before heading out into the world is also incredibly important.

I have been reading Clay Lomakayu's book, Medicine of One (available at both before and after my episode with the goat.  He talks about the victim and warrior energies, and the deeply repressed emotions that keep us hooked into playing out various life patterns, repeatedly recreating our dramas and traumas in which we once again play out the roles we have come to know so well.  He also defines Soul Medicine in one of the chapters of his book.

After telling a good friend the story of the goat encounter, I hung up the phone, and suddenly remembered that during the night right before Thanksgiving, I had heard a noise that sounded like someone was ramming into the car just outside the house.  I had gone out to the screened-in porch to see what was causing it.  Hero was standing there below me, looking straight at me, not moving.  It felt a bit spooky to be stared at so steadily by a goat in this way in the middle of the night.  It was as if he was trying to communicate something to me, but I couldn't perceive what it was.

In dreams, I see a car as representing my vehicle through life, which for me is my creativity and self-expression and my EarthSong energy work.  I have been asking for help from All That Is to clear the way for my creative work to go to the next step.  This ramming of my "vehicle" is what I experience whenever I live in situations that carry a lot of (to me) upsetting emotional energy.  In trying to calm everyone down, I lose connection with my own core energies and my connection to the spine of my own life.

I now see my battle with the goat as being very important Soul Medicine.  Feeling what I felt, consciously witnessing what I was feeling as my emotions shifted in a very alive way within me during the course of our interaction gave me insight into deeply buried emotions that I had not been able to truthfully express at the time.  I now have a very intensely physical memory of the goat event, and carry a body knowing and experiential wisdom that will serve me well in situations I may be facing in the near future.  A sacred gift that keeps on giving.

Because of reading Clay's book (about creating and sitting in the Circle of one's life and bringing in all the aspects and emotions of that event and breathing compassion in, through, and around all of that) I connected with the aspect of the little girl within me who never felt that her creativity was received as being the heart and soul expression of her core essence.  

Hero alerted me to the old behavior/belief pattern and rammed the point home, and I can feel that important shifts have happened within me that will indeed allow me to nurture that creative, expressive, noisy little girl and move forward in new and very exciting ways with my journey as a creative person.

I have come away from this goat encounter with a deepened understanding that I need to be constantly aware of what I am really and truly feeling, for it is that emotional, vibrational, core energy I am radiating that are magnetizing my experiences in the outer world.  The feeling of inner peace must come first, with whatever appears to be happening, if I want to create peace in the outer world around me.

The energies of the planet and the rules of the game for living on planet Earth have been changing rapidly and are continuing to change.  Awareness of the actual vibration we each are carrying in each moment is powerful tool to use to help navigate these intense times of global purification.

Finally, although there is a lot of talk about world peace right now, perhaps peace is ultimately not the most important goal.  Perhaps it’s discovering and experiencing the feeling of deep connectedness to Life - a feeling of Oneness with all Life in ALL it’s many forms, flavors and expressions.   Perhaps it's simultaneously learning how to create and express that which I most want to create and express while here on Earth in physical form, while allowing everyone else to do the same.